We got married when we were quite young. I had graduated from college a month before the big day, and David was only 21. We had both watched our parents have successful marriages and felt like we could achieve the same. I scoffed at a lot of premarital counseling because we were obviously too in love to struggle with any of those issues.
Then we tied the knot. David was finishing school, and I was teaching. He slept in and attended his classes, and I quietly prepared for my 40 minute commute to work. He would tell me that whatever I made for dinner needed more salt, and I would be ticked that he didn’t think it was perfect. We argued about who-knows-what, and I tried to maintain my independence despite having a husband who wanted to be with me. We watched hours of Friday Night Lights on our 19″ television in our apartment through that first year, and I held on to what I thought would be our life together down the road. With David planning to be a school administrator and me working as a teacher, we would have a stylish house, fancy cars, and an impressive bank account. We would see the world, sip lemonade while our brood of well-behaved children played in the yard, and admire our manicured lawn. And we would love each other for the rest of our lives.
Then everything changed 4 years later.
Even though we had both been raised in the church and believed in Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins, we had our sights set on success in the eyes of the world. The Holy Spirit began to change us and show us what it meant to really follow Jesus. Meanwhile, I had left my job to stay home and David was in a teaching position that made less every year. I coached in order to make ends meet, and any extra money was used to fix up our severely outdated home (who carpets a bathroom??? so gross).
Our definition of success changed from money and comfort to obedience to the Lord and using our resources to help others. Little did I know that the very process of reorienting our lives would bolster our marriage in an unbelievable way. Our mission wasn’t the promotion or the vacation house or the approval of others anymore. People thought we were crazy for how seriously we were taking our new mission, but with 26,000 children dying each day from starvation and preventable disease, and the billions who don’t know Jesus, it only seemed fitting to be consumed by it. When others were rolling their eyes at us, we were able to stare into each other’s eyes, knowing that we were doing exactly what we needed to be doing. The Word became real to us in all new ways.
Every year of our marriage has been better than the one before. Job changes, adding kids, moving to a new (outdated) home, lots of old vehicles. And yet, our devotion to obedience to Jesus and to being united with each other has made us continually stronger. We have our moments, but they are few and far between. And, when they happen, they are over quickly. We know the enemy wants to divide us. He hates marriage, the picture of Christ and His Church, and wants to destroy it. When we recognize something is off between us, we call it what it is, talk through it, and move on. We both seek forgiveness quickly and are even quicker to forgive. All of this is by God’s grace, which He’s been giving us in abundance.
The past few months have been especially challenging with David’s work. It’s a schedule that I wouldn’t have been able to handle in past years. But in all of these weeks of 70+ hours, I know that he is doing it for us. He is working hard and doing it as unto the Lord. In Ephesians, Paul talks about how the husband is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…,” and David has been living that verse in tremendous ways this past year. He rarely has time for himself, but constantly is giving his time, energy, and resources to provide for our family. Even when he is home, he is working to pour into our children and our home. Earlier in the fifth chapter of Ephesians, it talks about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands being the head of their wives. Most people get all bent out of shape about these verses– gender equality and whatnot, but I find such comfort in those words. It is almost effortless to submit to a husband who is constantly putting my needs and desires above his own. And a husband who leads in such a God-honoring way may gladly be the head of our family. It’s an honor to be the wife of such an incredible man.
As I type this, we are only a few hours away from our 12th anniversary. It is Saturday night. David went into the office at 7am today, came home for lunch, and returned to work until 5. I don’t want to add up the hours he’s worked this week because I think it might be a new record that I hope he never breaks. He is now working at the dining table on a computer he brought home from work trying to accomplish even more. I know this would have irritated me to no end in those early years, but now, I see his heart. I see him longing to take a breath but knowing there’s no time. I see him hugging our kids, knowing that he won’t see them for bedtime. I see him honoring the Lord in the integrity he carries into his business. There is no wonder his work is in such high demand.
This is not the life I dreamed of twelve years ago when I was preparing to walk down the aisle. It is better. We may have a van with a broken door, no planned vacations, and a hideous pretzel back-splash, but that just adds to the flavor of this beautiful life. We have a marriage that is beyond anything for which I could have hoped. We laugh all the time. We support one another and look for ways to serve each other. We know that everything the world values is temporary and that souls are eternal. We know that His Word is infallible and worth building our lives upon. We are ONE. I am so grateful for the past twelve years and praying for many, many more.
Our pretzel back-splash